Whining Victim Mentality

by Unmessable Guy on July 31, 2012

Some people take charge of their destiny and believe that they have a good amount of control over their lifes – these people are usually optimists, as Professor Elaine Fox points out in her new book Rainy Brain, Sunny Brain.

Dr. Bill Knaus, recently published an article titled Combatting the ‘I’m Powerless’ Myth where he also talks about how debilitating the whining victim mentality is – and how Albert Ellis and Alfred Adler helped patients to transform their weak mentality into an empowering mindset – or what we like to call being unmessable with.

People who have a victim mentality often think that they have no responsibility for the problems they encounter in life. And they will often defend that view vigorously. The sad thing is that by not taking responsibility for their problems, they put themselves in a position of powerlessness. They end up getting stuck because they feel ‘There’s nothing I can do about it’.

They think life is unfair and lay the blame on other people and outside circumstances.

Knaus points out a good way how therapists and councellors can help patients overcome helplessness. They ask them:

“What is your role in the problem?”

This is a powerful question because it makes you accountable for the results you get in life.  And it puts you in a position of higher power – and that means you have the capacity to change things you don’t like about your life, and design the life you desire.

If you take responsibility and accept your role in the problem, then instead of complaining about things, you fix things. Instead of being caught in a state of denial about the part you played in your problems, you can create solutions. Responsibility is kind of like working out: it’s hard when you do it first, but it makes you stronger and is good for you – and it will make many things easier later on.

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